I’m Definitely Going to Hell

October 9, 2008

Normally, I just grab photos off the internet.  Not that it’s much more legal than what I am doing here.  This is Grant.  He’s the one who wanted the “full body pic” (here are the two posts I’ve written about him and his request before now).  His early request for a full body picture set off a red flag.  I tried to be open-minded, though.  I hate to write someone off for one thing they do or say.

Since the last time he emailed me on Saturday, I replied that I was going to be working over the weekend, although I had talked about bringing my son to the place where he works (which I have brilliantly obscured using GIMP).  I know I’m talented.  Please don’t try this at home.

Now that Cremello Quarter Pony has decided to emerge from her dating sabbatical, it occurred to me that I should actually check my email, seeing as how I haven’t looked at three sites worth of email in several days.  My psyche needed a rest from the slimy underbelly of the “free” online dating world.  I logged in to plentyoffish.com to check my email and Grant IMs me.  I’ve already weaned myself off IM since Cremello Quarter Pony threatened an intervention, but I responded since I already know him.

I declined the two other requests (hello, I log in for 3 minutes to check my email and I have random people trying to IM me who have never bothered to email me).  Ick.

He asks what happened.  I told him I worked all weekend.  Then he asks me when I’m sending a full body pic.  He said something about me being “gorgeous.”  I guess he was assuming I haven’t shared it because I lack self-confidence…and he was assuring me that he already thinks I’m gorgeous so that I will be “brave” enough to send him a pic?  Hello, dude, that is soooo not the issue.  The first time my best friend in college saw me in a bathing suit, she was surprised to find I “look like Cindy Crawford.”  Granted I’ve had a kid since then and have gained 25 pounds, but I still have a great body.

On behalf of all of the women out there who have different body types, I refuse to “benefit” from the fact that my body resembles a constructed “ideal” of what a woman is “supposed to” look like.  As I told my friend who nicknamed me Cindy (and who had self-image issues with her own body) years later, being “hot” does NOT improve your quality of life, at least not when it comes to men.  My own “slammin” body has yet to “attract” a guy worth his weight in horse manure.

I entertained the conversation for a minute.  I told him I have my digital camera with me, but that the memory card is full (which is true).  I told him I would take a picture and email it from my gmail account (a dummy account he already has sent email to).  I also told him that the “price” of the photo would be that I would assume he’s a jerk.

And then he asks me something like how am I going to send it?  I responded by saying something like:

If you aren’t going to bother reading what I just wrote, I am not going to send you a picture (I had just said I would email it!)

Every time I log in this site to check my email, I get IMs and emails from  creeps. 

One of the last emails I got included a picture of a naked man with a bag over his head.  I’m getting fed up.

I waited a couple of minutes and he didn’t respond to any of the 3 separate IMs.  I closed out the window.  He could have sent me an email to clarify the situation (if I was misunderstanding his jerk factor), but he didn’t.  What a shame.  His loss.

PS You need a full body pic?  Really?  And this is YOUR full body pic…and the only pic you’ve given me?  In addition to your leather jacket, you are probably wearing long johns and a uniform.  Let me guess.  If I take a similar picture of myself wearing several layers of clothing and sitting on a horse (or my German Shepherd) you will be disappointed?

(Depends on How You Define ((Free)) Dating Websites)

October 2, 2008

I’ve been on three free dating web sites for about 4 days now.  I’m considering the possibility of cancelling them all.  I’m not going to make any rash decisions, but that’s where I’m at.

So far, I’ve invested most of my time to plentyoffish.com, although that wasn’t a conscious decision.  I signed up for three “free” websites on the same evening, but got the most action from plentyoffish.  It’s turned out to be quite a meat market. 

As I’ve written in my last couple of posts, I’ve spent several hours IMing people.  Unless you are looking for a booty call or wanting to chat with a stranger endlessly, I do not recommend using IM on plentyoffish.  These are people who don’t take the time to compose an email to you and have no intention of staying in contact with you beyond a random IM conversation and/or booty call.

If you’re looking to hook up, I HIGHLY recommend it.  Just use a condom. 

One of the IMs that popped up yesterday said “I have a [ding dong] and  you have a mouth.  Let them meet.”  Eeewww.  These web sites may be “free” in terms of not requiring a credit card payment, but I am paying via daily assaults to my mental health.  I don’t need to be exposed to this kind of harassment.

OKcupid.com got off to a really slow start, but them someone (I guess a customer service person?) emailed me and told me I had to start answering questions in order to show up in searches.  Apparently you answer a series of questions from time to time and this helps with the matching.  You answer the question and specify how you would like the other person to answer them, then indicate how important their answer is to you.  You can also skip questions, which is cool.

Plenty of Fish Hangover

September 30, 2008

After yesterday’s escapade into the previously uncharted (at least for me) territory of IMing with strangers, it seemed fitting that I call Patrick (imagine a sex-crazed entrepreneurial mad scientist).  If he didn’t live so far away (500+ miles), he would have been one lucky guy last night.

Patrick was busy last night, so we only talked for a few minutes (about the bailout, which is not why I called).  He called me back this morning on his way to work.  I told him I was frisky and frustrated.  He wanted to hear about my latest escapades and fantasies, but I told him I didn’t have any real action to report…and (he should know this by now) I am shy when it comes to sharing fantasies.  That helped jog his memory…he suddenly remembered I like to hear about his sexual experiences, so he hesitantly admitted to a fairly recent CraigsList hookup.

I knew it would be a good story based on his reluctant tone.  It was a “party”…at a gym.  I kept asking, “…and then what?…” until he finished spilling the beans.  I’ll have to spare you the details because I don’t run a porn site here!  The moral of the story is that he had a great time, but he felt sick about it afterwards.

That’s how I feel about yesterday’s IMing experience.  It was kind of gross and inappropriate.  I managed to get drawn in, thanks to my hormones.  Being turned on is intoxicating and impairs ones judgment!  Now, today I feel kind of gross. 

Dating IM Overload

September 29, 2008

I kind of hated it, but it was kind of fun.  Like blogging, its addicting.

I’ve never been much of an IM person.  I came of age before IM.  The first person I ever IMed with was a friend of mine, Gabe.  We had known of each other for years (we grew up in the same town) and had been friends for a couple of years.  I had developed an intense crush on him during that time.  One day, after I had moved away, we ended up chatting on IM.  I somehow got carried away and admitted to him that I had feelings for him.  The feelings were not reciprocal, but that is not the point of the story.  The point is that this novel form of communication somehow lessened my inhibitions, enabling me to say something I wouldn’t otherwise say, so I’ve avoided it over the years…

One of the sites I posted my profile on was plentyoffish.com.  When I checked my email on that site this morning, someone tried to IM me.  Usually I ignore IMs, but against my better judgment, I thought, what the heck…and responded.  I decided ahead of time that I would limit the conversation to five minutes.  That was wise.  We chatted for a few minutes.  I looked at his profile, which I couldn’t figure out how to do BEFORE agreeing to chat with him. 

His profile had two red flags.  He is bi-racial and dates white women.  I’m an equal opportunity dater, probably to my detriment, so I find it problematic when people limit themselves to a particular race.  As if it isn’t hard enough to find someone as it is…by the time you factor in racial preferences, height preferences, yada yada yada, the dating pool gets reeealllly small.

I checked my email again at around 4:45pm and ended up getting chat requests from three different guys.  I figured, what the heck, the work day is over, why not talk to three people at the same time?!!  I managed to exchange email addresses with two people, both of whom noticed I was a bit distracted.  I flattered the guy who was the cutest for good measure.  Anyway, I ended up chatting with the least likely prospect, a 24 year old guy, for an hour.  When I say prospect, I mean boy toy prospect.  That’s not what I was looking for, but after my experience with Dave, I’ve been left a bit…how shall we say…frustrated and unsatisfied?!!

So, I had my first almost-internet/phone-sex with someone!  I’ve always thought that was silly and never thought I would be into it, but it was kind of fun.  We talked on the phone, too, which I normally NEVER do this early.  I guess because I knew he wasn’t a true dating prospect, I let my guard down.

Unfortunately, or probably fortunately, he lives 30 miles away.  Otherwise I would probably be having sex with him – in real life – right now.  I am glad he lives far enough away to make that impractical.  AND I am so glad that my libido seems to have returned!  I don’t know if this will be a short-lived fluke or not, but it feels good to be alive!