I’m Definitely Going to Hell

October 9, 2008

Normally, I just grab photos off the internet.  Not that it’s much more legal than what I am doing here.  This is Grant.  He’s the one who wanted the “full body pic” (here are the two posts I’ve written about him and his request before now).  His early request for a full body picture set off a red flag.  I tried to be open-minded, though.  I hate to write someone off for one thing they do or say.

Since the last time he emailed me on Saturday, I replied that I was going to be working over the weekend, although I had talked about bringing my son to the place where he works (which I have brilliantly obscured using GIMP).  I know I’m talented.  Please don’t try this at home.

Now that Cremello Quarter Pony has decided to emerge from her dating sabbatical, it occurred to me that I should actually check my email, seeing as how I haven’t looked at three sites worth of email in several days.  My psyche needed a rest from the slimy underbelly of the “free” online dating world.  I logged in to plentyoffish.com to check my email and Grant IMs me.  I’ve already weaned myself off IM since Cremello Quarter Pony threatened an intervention, but I responded since I already know him.

I declined the two other requests (hello, I log in for 3 minutes to check my email and I have random people trying to IM me who have never bothered to email me).  Ick.

He asks what happened.  I told him I worked all weekend.  Then he asks me when I’m sending a full body pic.  He said something about me being “gorgeous.”  I guess he was assuming I haven’t shared it because I lack self-confidence…and he was assuring me that he already thinks I’m gorgeous so that I will be “brave” enough to send him a pic?  Hello, dude, that is soooo not the issue.  The first time my best friend in college saw me in a bathing suit, she was surprised to find I “look like Cindy Crawford.”  Granted I’ve had a kid since then and have gained 25 pounds, but I still have a great body.

On behalf of all of the women out there who have different body types, I refuse to “benefit” from the fact that my body resembles a constructed “ideal” of what a woman is “supposed to” look like.  As I told my friend who nicknamed me Cindy (and who had self-image issues with her own body) years later, being “hot” does NOT improve your quality of life, at least not when it comes to men.  My own “slammin” body has yet to “attract” a guy worth his weight in horse manure.

I entertained the conversation for a minute.  I told him I have my digital camera with me, but that the memory card is full (which is true).  I told him I would take a picture and email it from my gmail account (a dummy account he already has sent email to).  I also told him that the “price” of the photo would be that I would assume he’s a jerk.

And then he asks me something like how am I going to send it?  I responded by saying something like:

If you aren’t going to bother reading what I just wrote, I am not going to send you a picture (I had just said I would email it!)

Every time I log in this site to check my email, I get IMs and emails from  creeps. 

One of the last emails I got included a picture of a naked man with a bag over his head.  I’m getting fed up.

I waited a couple of minutes and he didn’t respond to any of the 3 separate IMs.  I closed out the window.  He could have sent me an email to clarify the situation (if I was misunderstanding his jerk factor), but he didn’t.  What a shame.  His loss.

PS You need a full body pic?  Really?  And this is YOUR full body pic…and the only pic you’ve given me?  In addition to your leather jacket, you are probably wearing long johns and a uniform.  Let me guess.  If I take a similar picture of myself wearing several layers of clothing and sitting on a horse (or my German Shepherd) you will be disappointed?

Online Dating and Full Body Pictures

October 3, 2008

Another guy emailed me.  I wouldn’t have answered his ad, but he put a picture of himself up for long enough for me to look at it, then took it back down.  His name is Grant.  Well, actually it’s not.  Remember, I choose to protect the innocent.  Speaking of innocence and guilt, he is a police officer.  And he’s 6’4″.  I imagined a meathead, but from his picture, he seems like a nice fellow.  There’s something about pictures that (sometimes) captures the essence of people.

We emailed back and forth a couple of times.  He gave me his phone number.  I called a day or two later and left a message.  He called me back the next day.  He was a little softspoken on the phone (not a domineering voice).  I had been having a pretty bad day, but got off the phone in a great mood.  He seems like one of the few “normals” on the site.

We each exchanged another picture.  He texted me last night asking if I had any “full body pics.”  I said “no.”  He said “come on.”  I said “you’re starting to sound like the jerks I’ve been dealing with.”  He said “ok.”  He asked if I was online.  I said “no, I’m looking for my dog.”

One of my dogs had escaped “the compound.”  There’s a narrow space in the corner of the front yard where the fences come together.  He figured out he can squeeze through it if he slithers through it like a snake, rotating his shoulders and hips back and forth.  He’s a momma’s boy, so he’s never gone for long.  Once he’s chased enough rabbits, he comes running home with his head down, waiting for me to bop him on the head.

Anyway, back to the full body picthing.  I’ve spent a total of more than a year doing online dating.  No one has EVER asked me for a full body pic.  I don’t do “full body pics.”  I think it’s sleazy when people use them in dating profiles.  It’s like, Hi, I’m Cindy, look at me, I’m sticking my boobs out for you.  I have more respect for myself.

If you don’t like to date fat people, guess what?  Neither do I.  I can tell by looking at a guys picture (usually) if he is fat or not.  It’s not even about vanity for me, it’s about physical health.  I don’t want to date someone who is killing themselves with Big Macs.

I can’t decide if this is just an innocent request or a red flag.  On the one hand it’s arguably not a big deal, but I don’t like feeling like I’m a piece of meat.  This is an issue of principle for me.  I have a great body.  I’m not trying to hide anything.  I just find the request invasive.