September 28, 2008
She’s my idol. She has been putting more effort into this whole dating thing than I have been. I had some mediocre sex. She had some crazy tantric yoga sex. And she has already gone out on more dates since the RockStar got wishy-washy.
I’d be happy to sit here and tell more stories about ex-boyfriends, but I feel like I am doing myself a disservice if I don’t ALSO put effort into my current dating life. Blogging about dating makes it so much easier to date. The more disastrous the date, the better the story! Also, I don’t feel alone any more. Dating doesn’t have to be such a solitary pursuit.
I spent too much money this summer on a one month membership to match.com and on clothes, shoes, and sexy bras (for all the good it did me!), so I just put my profile up on three different free dating web sites. CraigsList is still too freaky for me. I’ve only looked at postings twice and I end up seeing pictures that hurt my poor eyes. Not that I should be doing my online dating from work, but there is something extra WRONG about a picture of people having sex popping up on my monitor. IKES!!!
These free dating sites don’t look a whole lot better than CraigsList, except I think they screen for pornographic images better, so I figured I would increase my odds by using three. Thanks to everyone for their comments and support…it has given me the energy to dive in once again…into that…thing…called…dating. And kudos to CremelloQuarterPony for inspiring me to keep going, even if my eyes cross sometimes.
September 15, 2008
Towards the end of August, I let my match.com membership expire. I knew from past experience that dating is time consuming, so my approach was to do a one month membership, see what happened, let it expire, take a break, and try again.
Just before it expired, I met Dave, who was the by far the most promising prospect of the month. We hit it off, had a brief honeymoon period, and then things quickly fizzled out…because of the sex. Neither of our libidos were cooperating consistently enough to reach true honeymoon status. Whatever feelings had begun to blossom began to fade away so slowly, I barely noticed until I realized they were gone. I didn’t even have to finish the list I started to realize it was over.
We only spoke once last week. I knew he had plans to visit family for a long weekend this past weekend. We said we would talk on Friday, but neither of us called the other. Clearly, whatever attentiveness he once had was gone. The honeymoon had ended before it had started. A few minutes ago, out of curiosity, I did a search on the match.com web site of men in his age range in our zip code (without logging in). Sure enough, a few pages in, his profile shows up. I was curious to see how long it’s been since the last time he logged in.
It says “online now!”.
That kind of hurts. Not that we had yet reached the point of exclusivity, but this feels crappy. I am already disgusted with myself for putting my own health at risk to accommodate his “erectile dysfunction.” And I am in the middle of switching meds to address my own libido issues, which are no longer seeming too relevant. I’m kind of pissed, but I know I can’t fall into that “poor me” trap. For all I know, he gave into curiosity and has been reading my blog…and is trying to nurse his wounded ego back to health.
After all, there are two sides to every story (well, three if you count the truth).
August 11, 2008
A couple of years ago, I tried out several dating web sites, including Match.com, eHarmony, and GreenSingles. I used eHarmony for two, maybe three months. At first, I was totally impressed by the accuracy of their personality profile. It did a nice job of describing me and ‘summing me up.’
Then, I waited for them to match me up with someone. I waited. And waited. And finally, they match me up with ‘Tony,’ who lives 200 miles away. After graduating from ‘guided communication’ we finally talked on the phone. Tony, according to his personality profile, was a subdued and quiet man. Tony, on the phone, was quite a talker. He talked…and talked…and talked. We had nothing in common. He lived 200 miles away. I had no interest in ever talking to him again. His personality profile was not accurate. Apparently, he imagined himself to be a different person than he was.
Verdict: My actual self was compatible with his ideal self.
The last straw came soon after. After some time passed, they matched me up with another person. These matches are few and far between…apparently it takes time to come up with such high quality personality-based matches. Did I mention eHarmony is kind of expensive?
Anyway, I’m reading through the profile of my long-awaited second match. He seems fine until I get to the part where he lists his hobbies. One of his hobbies is hunting. Did I mention I am a vegetarian? And that I love animals? I was so offended…eHarmony matched me up with someone who enjoys killing animals for fun. I wrote to their customer service department, but never received an adequate response. I cancelled my membership.
Verdict: eHarmony is for carnivores.
August 11, 2008
In my last post, I meant to write about how ‘Hugo‘ sent me a second email, but I got distracted when I found another blog talking about the same guy and his attempts at flattery.
Apparently, Hugo has his account set up so that if you click on his profile, he is notified of who has looked at his profile. I had only looked out of a perverse sense of curiosity. A day or two later, he sent this follow-up email:
“Good morning, I hope your day will be as beautiful as you are. I see that you viewed at my profile. Believe me, I am not a fictitious man. I am an expressive man, and I am as real as the day is long. I am really college educated, I really have a great career, I am really 6 foot 3 inches tall, I am really single, and I am really patiently waiting to hear from you to call me. If you do, I assure you, you will have no regrets. I totally understand that most men don’t express themselves as vividly as I do, but every man has a gift.
P.S. I hope to hear from you soon.”
Creepy! I didn’t realize people could tell when you looked at their profile. I suspect it’s one of those “extra” features of Match.com…that facilitates stalking behavior! Apparently, you can sign up to get notified the moment someone reads an email you sent to them. That seems neurotic to me.
August 8, 2008
My last post was about ‘Hugo.’ This is the guy who referred to me as “a majestic flower in a field of oxygen-deprived weeds.” I guess this is supposed to be flattering, but I don’t know what it’s supposed to say about the other women on Match.com. I suspect I am not the only woman he has said that to…
I just did a Google search for that phrase, and sure enough, I immediately found a blog describing this guy and his far-out attempts to attract women. The other blog was written 3 days ago. Too funny!
August 8, 2008
I’ve tried several dating web sites and I’ve settled on Match.com because of the sheer volume of people using it. It seems to roughly represent a cross-section of people. This means, if you use Match.com, you get your share of cat calls and lunatics, but for the most part the people are pretty cool.
Having said that, one of the more questionable men who have contacted me on Match.com is…well, I don’t know his name and I will respect his right to privacy by not sharing his username. Anyway, let’s call him Hugo. Hugo sends me an email after reading my profile (which, by the way is fairly brief). Here are exerpts of his first attempt to contact me:
“…[you] stood out like a majestic flower in a field of oxygen-deprived weeds. Obviously you are clearly a woman of a different pedigree…”
He goes on to describe himself as having been…
“…stomped, crushed, and fermented into a fine wine…all I can do with this fine wine…is give it away…”
Since I approach dating with a healthy (and safe) sense of skepticism, I think to myself, this guy really has gone out of his way to flatter me and make an impression on me. I can’t say it was a good impression. Out of pure curiosity, I clicked on his profile to read more about him (this is akin to gawking at car accidents). His profile was even more over the top talking about the curves of a womans body and romance and that kind of thing. Is this guy for real? I think not. I’m filing him in the lunatic category.
August 7, 2008
A day after Date #2, I went out on Date #3. Matt and I have emailed each other through match.com a few times. I noticed an element of flirtation in the email exchange. I wondered if this meant we would have ‘chemistry.’ The moment I met him, my first thought is that this guy is too nice for me. He somehow looks too wholesome for me, whatever that means. He’s definitely attractive, though.
I’ve learned by now not to place an emphasis on immediate attraction. Attraction is something that can develop over time and end up being way more intense than superficial, immediate attraction.
We had a drink and had good conversation for a couple of hours. Whatever concerns I had about this being a booty call (remember Date #2?), maybe because we only met for a drink, were unfounded. If you haven’t noticed by now, I do a bit of ‘detail analysis’ in the process of getting to know someone, looking for red flags and other potential points of concern. Sometimes that’s healthy and sometimes it’s neurotic.
At the end of the date, he said the fateful words, “I’ll call you”. Or maybe it was the way he said it. Or maybe I’m just plain psychic. At that exact moment, I knew without a doubt I would never hear from him again. Still, I had a grin on my face the whole way home. I really had a nice time out (can you tell I don’t get out much?) and I was buzzed from the pomegranate margarita. And, I go into these dates with low expectations.
August 7, 2008
Date #1 (First Date)
The first person to send me an email was Bob. He said he lived near a popular bike trail and asked if I’d like to go for a bike ride on Saturday. He didn’t have a picture posted with his profile and he was in his late 50’s, but I figured what the hell, it’s just a bike ride. It’s good to go into dating with low expectations. I figure if I’m lucky enough to make a friend or find a cycling buddy during this process, I guess it was worth my time.
So, I meet Bob Saturday morning. As I pull up to the public meeting place, I see two white men in their 50’s with bikes. One is sitting there with no shirt on. Hoping I’m right, I head to the other guy, who thankfully turns out to be Bob. Bob really isn’t bad looking for his age. I was afraid he’d be old and wrinkly, but he looks pretty good. And dang, it turns out he’s in better shape than me. Kudos to Bob! We rode 45 miles. We chatted and stopped to have lunch along the way.
I made an effort to be open-minded about the age difference, because after all, I have a persistent history of dating alcoholics and losers, both younger and older than myself. This guy is older, but he speaks and reads quite a few languages, has a PhD, has traveled the world, and makes a lot of money. I assume he’s more mature than men my age. And he seems like a genuinely nice guy. When I was younger, I never gave these guys a chance. Now that my priorities have changed, I promise myself to date nice guys. Thanks to Greg Behrendt and his book He’s Just Not That Into You for helping me realize almost every guy I ever dated really wasn’t that into me.
August 7, 2008
I moved to Washington, DC a year and a half ago. Since then, I have been on one date. I figured, at the rate I was going, I was going to be single forever. Which isn’t the worst thing on earth, by the way. I’ll write about that another time. For now, I need a forum to mentally process this complex endeavor. A few weeks ago, I posted another profile on match.com. I did this a few years ago and had many decent dates as a result. So, I posted my profile, with a picture taken in the last year or so, and a little bit of basic information about myself and what I’m looking for.
Based on my last experience with match.com, I figured I would have a date within a week. I was not disappointed in quick responses to my profile. I was sure to list one of my favorite activities in my profile – cycling. I did this because much (or should I say all?!!) of my dating experiences in my twenties involved a sport called drinking alcohol. Fast forward to the present, and the last thing I want to do is date someone with a drinking problem, so I figured listing wholesome activities would be a good way to attract people with healthier addictions, I mean habits.