I’m Almost Better Now

September 25, 2008

This week is my third week back to normal.  Unfortunately, dating tends to throw me off my routine.  I’m almost back, but not quite back to 100% yet. 

I’ve learned how to objectively measure my well-being over the years.  It’s like a personal depression thermometer.  In addition to counting how many days I rode my bike to work, I think about how many showers I have taken (seriously!), how many days I have worn decent clothes (something beyond a “nice” tshirt, like a knit or something that requires ironing), how many days I have worn makeup, how many hours I have watched tv, and how many hours I have slept.

On a good week, I ride my bike to work 4 or 5 days, take about 7 showers, wear decent clothes once or twice, and wear (very little, but its there) makeup at least 5 days, sleep 8 hours a night, and watch little tv. 

My bike stats are good for the last three weeks, but the rest aren’t quite up to par.  My sleep is okay and I haven’t watched tv in weeks, but I’ve been feeling more stressed and tired than usual.  I’ve come to work unshowered 2 or 3 times in the last two weeks and haven’t worn an ounce of makeup in the recent past…until today, that is.  I’m starting to feel better, now that I am slowly reversing some of my medication changes. 

The lexapro doesn’t seem to work for me.  I just have to count the number of times I’ve cared enough to take a shower, put on decent clothes, and a little bit of makeup on my face before I come to work over the last few weeks to see that I’m starting to slide downhill.  The extended release adderal causes intense anxiety, but I took it for 4 or 5 days in a row because I was feeling too lethargic to make it to the pharmacy to get the short-release kind.  Classic.

Dear Coworkers: Had you been wondering why I’ve looked more disheveled recently?  Or did you not even notice?

Meanwhile, I’ve been updating my relationship non-negotiables list (my last 2 posts).  It’s evolving, with support from CremelloQuarterPony, Little Miss Obsessive, and Wonferdul, I have started my “Cindy’s Perfect Guy” list.  I will use this as a template to write my next personal ad!  By the time I finish, I just may have the energy and optimism to go on another date…