Non-Kodak Moments

November 5, 2008

ihasasad

Since becoming a parent, I have begun to refer to what I call “non-Kodak moments.”  These are the moments that occur between photographs; the times when you would be mortified if someone took a picture.  I have learned to accept the inevitability of the non-Kodak moments.  My goal is to maintain a balance between the Kodak and non-Kodak moments.

This applies to dating as well.  I think this is one reason people struggle with relationships, whether it be a parenting or romantic relationship.  We feel pressure to live up to impossible standards of perfection and happiness and contentment in relationships.  The thing is that there are always rough patches.  That is what helps us appreciate it when things are going well.

The beauty of blogging is that it provides a venue for sorting through all of those moments. 

The first difficult conversation Harley and I had was about my dogs.  His dogs are outdoor dogs.  In the wintertime, they stay in his heated garage.  My dogs are indoor dogs.  Since I adopted them all several years ago, they have spent one night outdoors and one week in my parents’ garage last winter.

The second difficult conversation we had was last night – about his children.  They have been what I consider “over-sharing” details of our relationship with their mother.  If they need someone to talk to, that’s one thing, but I seriously doubt that is what is going on.  I think they are trying to get a reaction out of her, which they have already succeeded in doing.  Now Harley is getting unpleasant phone calls from his ex about me and his relationship with me.

I was so ready to ignore this and not play into it, but yesterday my feelings got hurt.  Harley thought I was mad at him, but I wasn’t.  Intellectually, I know I shouldn’t take it personally, but it hurts me to be used as an object to manipulate, hurt, or get a reaction out of someone.  I take pride in living with integrity and doing my best to treat people well.  Sometimes I mess up.  I’ve already been mean to Harley a few times.  The last thing I need is to be thrown under a bus for something that has nothing to do with me or who I am as a person.