Giving

November 7, 2008

I quickly recognized that Harley is a better listener than I am.  I didn’t realize that was possible.  I think I’ve gotten lazy and/or distracted over the yeras.  There just is not enough room in my brain to remember all of the details.

As it turns out, he’s nicer and more considerate than me, too.  I knew he was nicer, but I didn’t realize how considerate he was being to me and how I have already begun to take him for granted.

I am so used to dealing with self-absorbed men that I have failed to recognize the extent to which Harley accommodates me.  Harley is “me” in relationships…giving, anticipating needs, doing things without being asked.

It’s strange to realize I am the person who is oblivious and therefore (sometimes) unappreciative of the generosity of another.  Giving is such a quiet thing.  It’s interesting how easily things can fall out of balance.  What I have figured out, at least with Harley, is that he always seems to be putting me (and everyone else) first.  I have to remember to take the time to do nice things for him.  And I have to be persistent!

One night last week, he was really tired.  He had been helping his nephew lay a tile floor.  I asked him if he wanted a massage.  He said, no, that’s okay…you’re tired too.  The other day, as he was dropping me off at my house, he mentioned he had a headache.  I offered to bring him some ibuprofen and a glass of water.  He said, no, that’s okay.  Now that I realize he is being “difficult,” I am starting to do things for him anyway.  So, the other night, I gave him a massage.  I didn’t ask him first.  Success!

It’s such a relief to be with someone who is so attentive.  I finally realized I deserve to be with someone like me.  It will take a little bit of getting used to, but in a good way.