A couple of weeks ago, I created a list of things I will not tolerate in relationships:
- physical abuse
- verbal abuse
- alcohol addiction
- drug addiction
- sex addiction (it’s not as fun as it sounds)
- duplicity (this is kind of like dishonesty, but more specifically about people’s words not aligning with their actions/behavior)
I had three quarters of a page dedicated to things I did and didn’t like about Dave…and less than half of the remaining space was taken up by the non-negotiables (above).
It was striking to see this short list on paper.
It became apparent to me that my basic expectations are set too low. That’s why I wrote about my son’s father; I wanted to provide some back-story to explain where I’m coming from. Since his father, my longest-term relationship was with a sociopath (of course, I didn’t realize that until after the fact). What can I say? I have really bad taste in men?
Yes, I have bad taste in men…and I think it also goes back to the Theory of Mind thing. I get stuck in empathizing mode. I am fascinated by other people’s points of view. This can be a valuable skill at times, but in relationships it can lead to trouble. I become so engrossed in learning about the other person, I lose track of my own perspective.