As I escape this second-date-turned-bad, I find myself imagining how I will deal with him should he ask me out again. As I drive home, I imagine the polite possibility of offering to be friends, possibly meeting up for occasional bike rides. Then I think, “Hey stupid-head, do what is right for you and stop putting how the other person feels before how you feel!” Then I imagine saying something like, “I don’t think we’re compatible or looking for the same things.” But, then I catch myself saying I don’t think we’re compatible (an attempt to soften the blow?) when really, I know we’re not compatible.
And why am I thinking about how to let him down gently? Why am I focused on how he feels? That date was mildly traumatizing and here I am worried about his feelings. Back to me and how I felt in response to his behavior. Beyond feeling extremely uncomfortable, I felt offended and disrespected by him. I felt disrespected because he was invading my physical space. I was offended that he seemed to think I was ready to jump into bed with him on the second date. I was offended that he hadn’t bothered to take the time to get to know me very well. Not that I would know from personal experience (ok, maybe I do), but having sex with someone you barely know is pretty meaningless. It doesn’t matter who the person is; it’s just sex.
To sum up, I felt uncomfortable, disrespected, and offended by his behavior. And I went out of my way to avoid behaving in a way that would ‘hurt his feelings’. I finally gave into my flight response and still kept thinking about how he felt. That’s stupid! Why would I put some random guys feelings before my own?