Date #2 (A Second Date)

Bob calls me two days later and asks me out again.  We agree to meet for dinner the following Friday night.  We have a nice dinner.  The food was good.  As we did on the bike ride, mostly we talked about his career and interests.  That’s okay, but it’s something I made a mental note of on the first date.  It’s okay if one person dominates the conversation on a date.  After all, people sometimes get nervous or are just naturally more talkative and a short-term imbalance results.  If this is something that becomes a pattern, it’s a problem. 

 

So, it’s date #2 and I’m still not overly concerned that we’re talking more about him than me.  He does make some effort to ask me questions, so I keep an open mind.  After we leave the restaurant, he invites me to his condo, which is two blocks down the street.  I remember from his profile he likes to drink wine, so I figure, what the hell, I’ll have a glass of wine.  I rarely drink these days, so I consider it a treat.  I already told him it would be an early night for me because I had to get up early the next morning to take my son to the airport.  I said I could come over for a bit.  We drank some good red wine and chatted some more.

 

By the time I’m halfway through my glass of wine, he starts moving in closer, physically.  He did this a couple times on the first date, but I just kind of ignored it.  I still try to ignore it, but he’s moving in for the kill.  He gives up on more subtle gestures, which I am trying to pretend aren’t happening, and grabs my hand.  I’m thinking, “oh, great, this is going to be really hard to ignore.”  I try to tune it out and continue with whatever conversation we were having.  Then he leans forward to kiss me.  I’m thinking, “okay, I really don’t feel like kissing this guy. 

 

I still haven’t gotten over the fact that he’s twenty years older than me.  I barely know him.  I’m not completely repulsed by him, which I guess is a perverse sort of relief.  Because, one of the stupid things women do is kiss men back because they don’t want to hurt their feelings.  The feminist in me is screaming, “don’t do this! Set boundaries for yourself!  Don’t do things you don’t want to do just to avoid hurting someone else’s feelings”. 

 

Question 1: Do men know we sometimes ‘romantically’ respond to them in order to avoid making them feel badly?  Or am I the only woman who does that?

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3 Responses to Date #2 (A Second Date)

  1. sammisal says:

    Hey Cindy,
    Just found your blog today. You are *not* the only woman who does that! Even though it’s common knowledge among people I mix with that I’m gay, I would probably still do it.
    Sam

  2. cindydating says:

    Hi Sam,

    In an ideal world, should we kiss people back, even if we don’t want to, just to avoid hurting their feelings? In a way it’s not a big deal, but in a way it is a big deal if we’re not being true to ourselves.

    -Cindy

  3. sammisal says:

    No!! No way in hell! Lol, I have no doubt about this. Personally, if I thought someone I was kissing didn’t want to be kissing me, I don’t think I’d really see the point. I guess I’d assume that anyone who’s trying to kiss me sees it like that too – if they don’t, maybe they should!

    Of course that’s not to say that you did anything wrong – just not that you should feel you have to in the future.

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